funny

Who’s the best at memes?

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I’m in an exclusive small group that trades marginally politically incorrect memes that you probably wouldn’t want your grandmother to see. The group, aptly named “send memes,” has some of my best friends, some of my friends’ friends, and even a few celebrities like Dwayne the Rock Johnson (who was added against his will and never actually opened the chat). By now you probably already know I like to rank things, so let’s dive in. Who’s the best at finding and sharing memes?

The results were measured by looking at every meme posted in the group over the past three years and keeping track of which posts got the most “likes,” and who sent them. There’s probably over 5,000 memes in the chat but the “best of the best” memes all have at least six “likes” from the group, and usually involve satire, poking fun at PC culture, an irreverent twist on current events, or strangely, The Lord of the Rings. So here are the winners and losers, ranked by the number of memes submitted with 6+ “likes.” I’ve also included a sampling of each person’s top memes.

Ryan, Jimmy, and Wes were neck and neck heading into the fourth quarter but Ryan ultimately pulled away with the most consistent (meme) running game

1st Place: Ryan

With eight memes on the leaderboard, Ryan was the clear choice for the winner by volume. His posts generate widespread acclaim for mocking the absurdities of modern life; specializing in pop culture and office humor. Ryan is your bread and butter RB1.

2nd Place: Jimmy

A close second, Jimmy puts up powerful memes that bring back some serious childhood memories like binge watching Lord of the Rings, playing Pokemon Yellow until 4am, and fighting with your friends over the Halo controller. This friendly rivalry could turn into an all out fist fight come playoff season.

3rd Place: Wes

Wes is a serious contender, having shared the most popular meme ever in the group shown below. I don’t totally understand it but I guess everyone else does. Regardless, Wes’ has an undisputed monopoly on timely and spicy memes on current events.

4th Place: Luke

Luke is a dark horse candidate that could blast into the top 3 on a moment’s notice. He can take any scenario and spin it in a completely different direction with his sinister humor.

5th Place: Thomas

Thomas is the group wildcard. He excels in finding obscure accounts and going straight for the shock factor. Some of his posts don’t always land but when they do, they’re big.

Tied 6th Place: Sean

I expected a better performance out of Sean since he largely brought this group together. He’ll sneak in with some fire memes but we really need to see more from him.

Tied for 6th Place: Addison

Addison has strong potential based on his quick trigger for being the first person in your contact list to share viral memes. He’s down on the list but don’t count him out.

7th Place: Jeff

Jeff deserves to keep his starting position but we’d keep him near the bottom of the batting order. Even so, he’ll impress you with you his brashness and absurdity. Daniel Radcliffe rapping? Classic.

Tied for 8th place: Andrew

I like Andrew because he’s okay making a joke at his own expense. Let’s keep an eye on him… and his hairline.

Tied for 8th place: Zach

Back in the day Zach was a mean linebacker for our high school football team. Nowadays he’s the king of dad jokes and often reminisces about we would’ve been state champions if coach had put him in in the fourth quarter. Is Zach a “has been” or is he just getting starting with his new career in the meme game? I’m thinking its the latter.

Tied for 8th place: Eric

Covid-19 led to some of best memes of our generation. However these memes became a dime a dozen as Covid dragged on. We’ll have to wait and see if Eric can tread water in the new meme environment.

The Loser’s Circle:

These guys have never even had the courage to dream about standing on the winner’s podium. They’d rather fake a tummy ache than go up to bat with the game on the line. In fact, over three years and thousands of at bats, they’ve never even gotten on base. Their memes are old, tired, or non-existent.

  • Andrew
  • Dwayne The Rock Johnson
  • Neal 
  • Carter
  • Bobby 
  • Scott
  • Josh
  • Ashley
  • Graham
  • David
  • Jeremy
  • Alex
  • Matt

Honorable Mention Memes (shared by Ryan)

Homemade memes of Ryan and his friends

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Where do memes start? And how does one become a meme? I’m not exactly sure, but here a few pictures that deserve to be memes and when to use them.

Meme name: “So we took a vote…”

When to use it: Send this to your friend as a firm and impolite way to shoot down their idea. 

Meme name: “Cubmaster Carter”

When to use it: When you’re a grown ass adult but your grandma still calls you her “little cub scout”.

Meme name: “Everything’s great Evan”

When to use it: When everything’s not going great.

Meme name: “But did you know… Bobby”

When to use it: When you need to mansplain something with your pinky out.

Meme name: “A Note to Backseat Drivers.”

When to use it: When your friend just won’t shut up.

Meme name: “Ball is Life”

When to use it: When you’re feeling too cool for school.

Meme name: “Crappy Day”

When to use it: When you’re having a crappy day, like that time someone took a crap on top of Brittany’s car.

Meme name: “Earnestly Excited Erin”

When to use it: When you’re earnestly excited.

Meme name: “The Dark Times”

When to use it: When anyone asks what Covid-19 was really like.

Meme Name: “UNC Basketball Fan”

When to use it: When UNC starts the year as #1 and then doesn’t even make the NCAA tournament.

Memo name: “Bigfoot siting?”

When to use it: When boys’ night out takes an unexpected turn.

Meme name: “DIY Tiger King”

When to use it: Any time someone mentions a tiger.

Meme name: “Mr. Manly Man”

When to use it: When someone’s style is so crazy that it just might work.

Meme name: “Gifts from Grandma”

When to use it: When someone gives you a gift and you have to immediately put it on and pretend like you love it.

Was Ryan a Ladies’ Man in Middle School? Analyzing photo evidence from old year books

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Hindsight is 20:20. Take a look at who signed my yearbook and then vote at the bottom.

Evidence For:

1. Sparkly eyes… check.

pro 3 sparkly eyes_censored

2. Back to back phone numbers. Score.

pro 2 cell numbers_censored (1)

3. Nice.

pro 1 good times dancing_censored final 2

Evidence Against:

1. Uh oh. This isn’t good.

con 1 best guy friend (2)_censored

2. Seriously?? Two in one year really hurts.

con 2 best guy friend_censored

3. This is DEFINITELY not what I was going for. Here’s a note I got from another male track team member.

con 3 rock hard_censored

4. I’m 100% sure this never happened.

con 4 fat_censored

5… And by ninth grade the only signature I got was from my sister.

In Conclusion, No, probably not.

Quarantine: A Story Through Pictures

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Here’s what life was like from my eyes. Am I forgetting anything?

Enjoyed cheap gas but nowhere to go.
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Watched Tiger King (and played dress up).
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Grew a beard (and ranked it against my friends’ beards)
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Worked from home and gave PPP loans to small businesses.
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Relaxed the office dress code.
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Found new ways to exercise (shout out to In Yo House Fitness).
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Practiced martial arts with the TST Squad.
TST Pic

Spent “quality time” with friends and family.
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Supported local breweries.
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Argued about trivial things, like what’s the best kitchen appliance (Final results here).
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Spent time outside.
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Perfected the “to go” order.
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Dealt with some sh!t.
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The WORST Recipes From My Sister’s First Grade Class

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Over Christmas, my sister was looking for an apple pie recipe. My mom found this book, “Yummy Apple Recipes” from Erin’s first grade class. I’m no expert but some of these recipes don’t look quite right… In fact, some of these might be dangerous. Here are some of the pages from that book, ranked from “most worst” to “least worst.” I even tried making a few…

1. Erin’s Apple Pie:
Ingredients: There are only three ingredients?? I’m concerned.
Instructions: Confusing… It says to “Cook it in the oven at 12”??
Is it edible? No! It tasted like scrambled eggs on top of a cooked apple.

0

 

2. Kendall’s Apple Honey
Ingredients: What?? The recipe calls for “20 bumble bees”?? (I used honey instead).
Instructions: On par for a first grader… “Smoosh the apples.” Lol.
Is it edible? Yeah, it was okay. Just okay.

1.jpg

 

3. Sarah Katherine’s Apple Cookies
Ingredients: These seem to be the right ingredients but the wrong amounts. It turned into a liquid mess so I made pancakes instead.
Instructions: Close, but no.
Is it edible? Somewhat. With some work, apple pancakes is a great idea.

1

 

4. Megan’s Apple Milkshake:
Ingredients: Raw eggs and flour in a milkshake?? That’s a no from me dawg. 
Instructions: Please don’t make this at home.
Is it edible? No!

1 milkshake

 

5. Colin’s Apple Cider:
Ingredients: There’s more sugar than water??
Instructions: No way this would blend.
Is it edible? Maybe if you want diabetes.

2 apple cider

 

6. Brooke’s Apple Ice Cream:
Ingredients: The recipe calls for 3 apples and 2 gallons of sugar?? This should be called Sugar Ice Cream.
Instructions: To be brief, this isn’t how you make ice cream.
Is it edible? I wouldn’t recommend it, no.

3 ice cream

 

7. Mackenzie’s Apple Popsicles
Ingredients: She wants to use frozen milk as a Popsicle base??
Instructions: Unfortunately, these Popsicles are never going to freeze in the refrigerator.
Is it edible? I guess….

4 apple popsicles

 

8. Ryan’s Apple Men (Not me)
Ingredients: Apples and pretzels.
Instructions: It’s kind of dumb… but it worked.
Is it edible? I don’t know why you would eat this, but you could.

1

 

9. Logan’s Apple Juice
Ingredients: Basic. 
Instructions: I’m impressed at the level of detail. Evidently, “11 minutes” is the perfect amount of time to chill your apple juice.
Is it edible? Yes!

6 apple juice

 

Check out my other cooking related blog posts:

How to Food: The One Where Ryan Learns How to Cook and Can Teach You Too

Less than Four and Under 20: Ryan Learns How to Cook and So Can You! (Part 2)

Who has the coolest name in the Revolution? A guest post from Carter Fields

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Introduction from the editor

Carter Fields is a regular contributor to “TheBigRinRyan.” You may remember him from previous posts like “The Roast of Cater Fields,” or “12 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Suck at Fantasy Football.”  

I like this post simply because I like ranking things. It brings order to the world. In previous posts, I’ve ranked roommates, Christmas Cards, and even other people named Ryan. So why not rank our friends by their most prominent trait… their name?

 I asked Carter what inspired him to write this post and he said he “took a Vyvance this morning and couldn’t figure out how to use the wifi at the airport.” Makes sense to me.

Without further ado…

Who has the coolest name in The Revolution (aka our friend group)? By Carter Fields

 First Place: “Ryan Clifton Kelley”
Ryan
A long time ago, we were arguing about what would be worst* [actual phrase redacted] name for a guy. One of my brother’s friends suggested “Clifton,” not knowing it was Ryan’s middle name. We still give Ryan a hard time about that, but I’m going to give him first place anyway since he has the rights to publish (or not publish) this article.

Second Place: “Zachary Dale Routh”
Zach
I like Zach’s name because of how cool it would sound if we were introducing him on a loudspeaker before a boxing match. Go ahead and try it… “Zacharrrrrry Daleeeee Routh (Routh) (Routh)!” Oh and we also like to call him “Leroy” sometimes, which is a pretty cool name.

Third Place: “George (Geordy) Conniffe Oliver”
George
His full name makes it sound like he fought in the Civil War.  I usually just call him “Geordy,” though. So good for you for taking a boring name like George and putting your own spin on it. P.S. did you know he ran the Boston Marathon??

Fourth Place: “Sean Timothy Gartley”
Sean
Sean is pretty low on the list because he has a basic white-person name. And why isn’t it pronounced “Seen”?? Nevertheless, I’m going to move him up to fourth place because his middle name comes from his dad, who hooks me up with Hurricanes tickets, and I don’t want to make him mad.

 Fifth Place: “Evan Marcus Sohmer”
Evan
The “Marcus” part makes me laugh. Look at the name, then at Evan, then at the name again… he doesn’t look like a Marcus. It’s a family name, though, so I’ll give him a pass. Now go rock it in your seersuckers, Marcus!

Sixth Place: “Matthew Eric Stockburger”
Matt
His name sounds like the guy at the frat party who keeps coming up to you and asking “who do you know here??” Matt never kicked me out of a party, but he did move to Pennsylvania without saying bye, so sixth place.

Seventh Place: “Jeffery Thomas Fallanca”
Thomas
This is the name of a man among boys. His name sounds like the lawyer I would call if I ever got in any legal trouble. Sadly, he goes by “Thomas,” instead of “Jeffrey-Thomas,” so I’m going to have to downgrade him to seventh place.

Eighth Place: “Andrew [Insert name] Martin”
Andrew
I honestly don’t know Andrew’s middle name. I want to say “Mark,” but that would be too alliterative. Anyways, I can’t even pronounce his last name and everyone makes fun of me for it so…eighth place for Andrew.

Ninth Place: “John Carter Fields”
Ryan and Carter Baseball
Carter didn’t include himself in the rankings so I (Ryan) took the liberty of giving him last place. How could I not? Carter doesn’t even like his own name enough to go by his given name, John. Or sometimes we also refer to him as “J. Carter” or colloquially, “Ja’Carta.”

Facebook Posts From 2008: The Internet Doesn’t Forget

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Facebook was a strange place 2007-2009… Here are the winners in my book.

1. Bobby for being REALLY honest (maybe a little too honest). He claims his sister wrote at least one of these posts as a prank.

bobby moms cooking 3bobby hand in pants 3

2. “Jared” for crushing it with ladies, circa 2008.

George needs a wingman 2

3. Zach, for never giving up. No matter how tired he was. 

Zach tired collage 3

4. Sean, for helping invent the “auto-correct” feature a few years later.

Sean spelling 3 v2sean spelling 2 v2sean spelling 1 v2

5. Kayla, for being my friend? 

Kayla Fieldtrip v2Kayla ryan likes boys v2

6. Carol, for finding a safer way to be a gangster.

carol squirt gun v2

7. Evan, for f***** crushing the driver’s ed exam.

Evan drivers ed 2

8. Brittany, for always being available via text.

britt text collage.png

9. Erin, for telling the world about “Harry Potter Puppet Palls.”

Erin voldemort v2

10. Ryan, for learning proper boating safety at a young age. 

ryan boats and hoes

11. Jake, for not giving up on social media, even when the odds were stacked against him.

jake photo comments 2

 

Ryan Ranks Every Roommate He’s Ever Had

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I’ve moved around way too much the past six years and I’ve had a lot of roommates along the way. Some are slightly better than others… and sorry in advance to my mom.

1. Zach (roommate in Chapel Hill, 2017-2018)

mvimg_20180117_172327[1]

Pro: Zach and I completed an extensive bucket list like swimming in an old rock quarry and finding the best fried chicken in North Carolina.

Con: I lost a bet to Zach and had to sleep on the porch. This one is mostly my fault; I challenged Zach to a half-court basketball shoot-out and the loser had to sleep on the porch. I missed wide left, Zach drained it on the first try.

2. Bobby and Louis (roommates at “The Annex” in Chapel Hill, 2015-2016)

bob and louis

Pro: We lived next door to the fraternity house, so we got all the benefits of living in the “Animal House” but always went home when it was time to clean up.

Con: Our neighbors flushed feminine products down the drain, which somehow clogged up our toilets and bathtubs.

3. Harrison and Jon (Roommates at “Chillsborough” in Chapel Hill, 2014)

561830_10200476542623560_1349474811_n

Pro: We had a secret basement.

Con: We had an annoying neighbor that would come over and wouldn’t leave despite our best hints and general lack of interest.

4. Claire, Cindy, Maria and Javier (Roommates in Madrid, 2015)

Maker:S,Date:2017-11-10,Ver:6,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar02,E-Y

Pro: My host mother Maria made dinner every night and cleaned my room while I was at school.

Con: I had to share a bathroom with four other girls. One time I had to use the bathroom so bad I seriously considered walking to KFC.

5. Zach, Catherine, and Dan Black (the cat) (Roommates in Raleigh, 2016)

zach and cat 2

Pro: Catherine decorated for every holiday.

Con: I’m not saying me and the cat didn’t get along, we just didn’t really hang out.

6. Sam (Roommate in Chapel Hill, 2017)

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Pro: Sam and I had some crazy adventures, like hitch hiking from Durham to Chapel Hill.

Con: The air conditioning went out during the hottest week of the year. It turned out to more of a pro than a con though; Sam and I pulled the TV onto the porch and slept outside with the fan on. The biggest con, though, was that we only got to live together for seven months.

7. Harrison (Roommate at Granville Dorms in Chapel Hill, 2012-2013)

img_0996.2012-08-14_235336[1]

Pro: Harrison is straight up funny. Somehow, he made it college without knowing how to read an analog clock or use a washing machine. During the first week of school, he forgot what number our room was and almost went to sleep in the wrong room. I’d occasionally get texts like this one: “Dude, I couldn’t find an open bathroom in the library… I almost didn’t make it.”

Con: A lot of my food went missing during the year— he eventually admitted to taking it six years later.

8. Scott, Garrett, and Hayden (Roommates at The Frat House in Chapel Hill, 2013-2014)

img_1120.2012-09-23_180754[1]

Pro: We lived in a fraternity house.

Con: We lived in a fraternity house. The three roommates were great but it really felt like we had 40 roommates. Our house had a strict “wash the dirty dish as you need it” policy… meaning no one did the dishes unless you needed a clean dish.

9. Steve, Laura, and Erin (“Roommates” at my childhood home in Winston-Salem, 1993-2012)

img_0891[1]

Pro: Literally everything was free. Sometimes they even gave me money.

Con: They’re the only roommates who set a curfew and wouldn’t let me watch R-rated movies.

The Roast of Carter Fields: A Tribute to 16 Years of Friendship

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Carter Fields is one of my best friends and for his birthday he wanted to get Comedy-Central-style roasted. So here it goes.

Let’s start by introducing Carter. He’s kind of like the Fez of our friend group. He looks like Mogley from Jungle Book and we’re not totally sure he knows how to read. One time our Spanish teacher asked Carter what he likes to do on the weekends and he said, “uhhhhh poptarts?”

CARTER syrup editd

He’s also not very popular with the ladies, which isn’t surprising given that most of his t-shirts have cats and lasers on them. His longest girlfriend ever dumped him… ON HIS 18TH BIRTHDAY. What kind of a savage would do that??

The only thing more broken than Carter’s love life is his wallet. In 2012, he ordered the market price steak and lobster and just about cried when the $80 check came. Moral of the story, Carter, if you have to ask… you still can’t afford it!

,

We give Carter a hard time but he’s really a good sport about it.  Last year Carter lost the Revolution’s fantasy football league and we hazed him so hard. We made him dress up like a sorority girl, a ballerina, and try on a two piece swim-suit. So Carter, sorry we’re not helping with the whole ladies thing. (See the full photoshoot here).

8 august 001

On the plus-side, Carter is always good to have around for entertainment.  In 2005, I convinced Carter to rappel out of a second story window and we got to watch him smack his head a few times on the way down.  Honestly, this probably explains why he has the IQ of Crush (the turtle) from Finding Nemo.

Carter may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he always has something smart to say about cats, otters, and (strangely enough) the Backyard Sports video game series.   His expert analysis of the third topic is covered in today’s surprise bonus post, “Ryan’s Bloggy Thing: A Guest Post by Carter Fields.”

The moral of the story though is that Carter is a good guy and a great friend. One night we were at a party at Becca’s house after everyone else had left. Carter was busy cleaning the house and picking up trash when a broken bottle snagged his leg. He was bleeding so badly Becca, Zach and I put him in the bathtub. Carter gripped my hand as we poured hydrogen peroxide over the huge gash in his leg. We should have gone to the hospital… but we went to Cookout instead. Point is, Carter is always there for you when you need him and he’ll never complain about anything.

Ryan and Carter Baseball