Artificial intelligence could soon put my blog out of business. But before throwing in the towel, who’s posts do you like more? To find out, I took some of my old posts and asked ChatGPT to answer the same topics.

1. What was the coolest cell phone in the early 2000’s?

Ryan:

The Samsung Juke. It doubles as an mp3 player, fits in your pocket, and the clock is reasonably accurate. The only con is that I’m not sure if it can actually make a phone call or not.

ChatGPT:

The Nokia 3310. With its physical buttons that required a Herculean effort to press, texting on the Nokia 3310 was like playing a high-stakes game of finger gymnastics. If you mastered the art of texting on this phone, you were considered a modern-day Shakespeare.

See my full post Cell phones have gotten lamer over time

2. What’s the biggest drawbacks of having a girlfriend?

Ryan:

When your girlfriend says her hands are cold, there’s a 95% chance she’s going to put her cold hands on you to prove how cold they are.

ChatGPT:

Forget about living in a pet-free home. With a girlfriend, you suddenly find yourself in a never-ending battle against her shedding hair. 

See my full post The Drawbacks of Having a Girlfriend

3. What’s the best household appliance?

Ryan:

The George Foreman Grill, as presented by Evan and voted on by the Revolution

ChatGPT:  

The Washing Machine.

It’s a marvel of modern technology, freeing us from the ancient burden of hand-washing clothes. It’s like having a magical vortex that devours your dirty laundry and spits out fresh, clean garments. But beware of the treacherous sock-eating monster that lurks within.

See my full post What’s the best household appliance? A Spirited Quarantine Debate

4. Which is the WORST apple-based recipe?

Ryan:

Colin’s Apple Cider, from my sister’s 1st grade class cookbook. Note this recipe has more sugar than water, and one of the ingredients is “one bowl.” Some of the other recipes in the cookbook included bizarre ingredients like 20 bumble bees??, raw eggs and flour (yuck!), and then nonsensical instructions like “cook at 12 for 11.”

ChatGPT:

Apple Explosion Delight:

1. Take peeled apples and give them a nice roll in glitter. Make sure they sparkle like magical disco balls. It’s all about that glitz and glamour in our recipe.
2. In a large bowl, combine the toothpaste and ketchup. Stir it up until it becomes a sticky, colorful mess. This is our top-secret sauce that will bring all the flavors together. Or maybe not.

See my full post The WORST Recipes From My Sister’s First Grade Class

5. Name something useful you learned from your dad

Ryan:

With boats, don’t ask how much it’s going to cost. You don’t want to know. Just do it.

ChatGPT:

Having a secret stash of snacks strategically hidden throughout the house ensures a constant supply of deliciousness. Whether it’s a bag of chips behind the sofa or cookies in the bathroom cabinet, be prepared for any snacking emergency.

See my full post Things I Learned from My Dad

6. Can you turn your craziest dream into a movie idea?

Ryan:

Movie Title: The Pirate from the Shadows

Plot: My sister Erin and I find out we have an evil step-brother. Because of a traumatic incident as a child at Disney World, he thinks he’s a pirate, and has been locked away for years in a mental hospital. He escapes and comes after our family for revenge, armed with a pirate ship and crew.

ChatGPT:

Movie Title: Chronicles of the Quantum Dreamers

Plot: In a world where dreams come alive and reality bends to the whims of the subconscious, a quirky group of individuals discover they possess the ability to control their dreams and enter a shared dream realm called the “Quantum Dream.”

Our protagonist, Max, a socially awkward math genius, finds himself trapped in a perpetual dream loop where he’s chased by a horde of rubber duckies armed with laser guns. Desperate to escape this nightmarish cycle, he stumbles upon an underground society of Dreamers, led by the enigmatic Dr. Lucidia.

Dr. Lucidia reveals that the Quantum Dream is under threat from an evil dream villain known as the Nightmare King, whose malevolent presence is infecting dreams with fear and chaos. Max, along with a colorful crew of fellow Dreamers, including a retired circus performer who controls dreams through juggling and a talking cat with a knack for riddles, embarks on a mind-bending quest to stop the Nightmare King and restore balance to the dream realm.

See my full post Ryan’s Crazy Dreams Turned into Movie Ideas

7. How badly can you roast my friend Carter?

Ryan:

The only thing more broken than Carter’s love life is his wallet. As a broke high school student in 2012, he ordered the market price steak and lobster, and just about cried when the $80 check came. Moral of the story, Carter, if you have to ask… you still can’t afford it!

ChatGPT:

Carter, you’re like our very own Fez from That ’70s Show. I mean, with that wild hair and those big, innocent eyes, it’s like you were plucked straight out of the Jungle Book. And let’s be real here, we’re not entirely convinced you know how to read. Remember that time in Spanish class when the teacher asked about your weekend plans, and all you could muster up was “uhhhhh poptarts?” Yeah, Carter, we’ve got our doubts.

See my full post The Roast of Carter Fields: A Tribute to 16 Years of Friendship

8. How much does it cost to have a girlfriend per month?

Ryan:

Grand Total: $70.50

May 1: Britt bought ice cream for both of us. Running total: -$3.50.
May 4: Britt bought me a cocktail at Calavera. Running total: -$13.50.
May 8: I bought ice cream. Running total: -$10.
May $19: I bought a round of drinks at Top O. Running total: -$4.
May 20: Erin (my sister) gave me tickets to a Brad Paisely concert. Cost: free! We went to dinner beforehand at the Loop. Running total: $5.50.
May 23: Dinner at Imbibe, I had a gift card so it was basically free. Don’t go here for food though… 1 star.
May 31: So this one’s on me. I really wanted to go to a Green Day concert and I think the only way I could convince anyone to go with me was if I buy a ticket for Britt. Running total: $70.50.

ChatGPT:

Grad Total: $220

1. Gift expenses: $50 – Because nothing says “I love you” like a bouquet of half-price gas station flowers and a last-minute, on-sale box of chocolates. Romance on a budget, folks!
2. Date nights: $100 – We’re talking about those fancy candlelit dinners at the finest fast-food establishments, complete with the extra-value meal and a shared soda. Classy, yet cost-effective.
3. Movie outings: $40 – Catching the latest blockbuster movies on discount Tuesdays, armed with a smuggled-in bag of stale popcorn and a pocketful of expired coupons.
4. Miscellaneous surprises: $30 – This includes those spontaneous moments of chivalry, like buying her a dollar store trinket or surprise serenading her with a kazoo rendition of her favorite song.
5. Emotional support: Priceless – Because being there for each other during good times, bad times, and the “I can’t decide what to wear” times is invaluable. Cue the sentimental music.

See my full post How Much Does it Really Cost to Have a Girlfriend: A One-month Study

9. Make up a recipe that uses less four ingredients and takes less than 20 minutes start to finish

Ryan:

Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue Chicken Pizza

 Step 1: Start with pita bread— I’m really not seeing the difference between pita bread and pizza crust so let’s just stick with pita bread.

Step 2: Add pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, and chicken

Step 3: Throw it in the oven for 15 minutes at 350 degrees

ChatGPT:

Cheesy Pesto Chicken Skillet

1. Preheat your skillet over medium-high heat.
2. Season the chicken breasts with salt and pepper on both sides.
3. Place the chicken breasts in the skillet and cook for about 5-6 minutes per side, or until they are cooked through and no longer pink in the center.
4. Spread 2 tablespoons of pesto sauce on top of each chicken breast.
5. Sprinkle the shredded mozzarella cheese evenly over the chicken breasts.
6. Add the cherry tomato halves to the skillet, spreading them around the chicken.
7. Cover the skillet with a lid and let it cook for an additional 3-4 minutes, or until the cheese has melted and the tomatoes are slightly softened.
8. Remove the skillet from heat and let it cool for a minute or two.
9. Serve the cheesy pesto chicken hot, and optionally garnish with fresh basil leaves for extra flavor.

See my full post How to Food: The One Where Ryan Learns How to Cook and Can Teach You Too

10. Create a Bingo board using action movie cliches

Ryan:

ChatGPT:

See my full post Bad Guy Bingo: A Summary of Every Action Movie Ever

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