A Leader Among Boys

Steve was the only one surprised when Dr. Golden called out his name to receive Boy Scouts’ “District Leader of the Year” award last month. Over the past 25 years, Steve has earned a reputation for tirelessly serving the scouting community and being willing to take on the jobs that no one else wants to do. He’s driven by a desire to pass on the same skills he learned in scouting, and the many doors that scouting can unlock for kids today. I couldn’t make it to the awards ceremony but Steve smiled as he recapped the event. “I’m not in it for the awards,” he said, “but if you see a need and go do it for 25 years, maybe you’ll get a certificate too.” 

“What can I do to be of help?”

Most leaders know Steve by his famous catchphrase, “What can I do to be of help?” Over the years, these magic words have put him in charge of a lot of different things, like the Great Day of Service, Scout Sunday, Scouting for Food, all water sports related trips, the Eagle Board of Review, and much more. As we continued talking, he walked me through a few of the more challenging roles he’s had in scouting. 

Popcorn challenge accepted:

“It’s got to be the worst job in the troop,” he said. The Popcorn Chairman’s job is to organize a group of 60 boys aged 13-17 into a salesforce to sell popcorn and raise money for the troop. Don, the previous chairman, had just retired from the position and none of the leaders wanted the job, especially since Don had just set a new sales record (and expectation) for the troop to sell $25,000 worth of popcorn. Steve volunteered to do it on three conditions: 1. I’m only going to do it for three years. 2. I won’t handle the money. 3. We’re going to raise the sales goal from $25k to $30k… largely because the people who make the popcorn offer free delivery if your troop sells $30k worth of popcorn.

To make matters worse, it was fall 2008 and the economy was in shambles. Nevertheless, Steve found success by putting the right incentives (prizes) in place for the scouts, recruiting a treasurer (CPA) to physically handle the money, and getting the moms involved, which somehow no one had ever thought of doing. Steve pushed me the hardest, so if you’re reading this post, chances are you probably bought popcorn form me at some point.

Bus on the brink: 

Step 1: Panic. The Scout bus was winding through the mountains of West Virginia when the headlights went completely dark. This wasn’t the first time the bus had put the scouts in a dangerous position, and Steve made the call… “this is the last trip we’re ever taking on this bus.” 

Thank goodness the popcorn fundraiser was a success because Steve a new job— finding, fundraising, and purchasing a new Scout bus. Steve didn’t know the first thing about buying a bus, which brought him right back to Step 1… Panic. Fortunately, one of Steve’s many talents is bringing the right people together to solve a problem. He teared up thinking about the community members who stepped up to get the scouts back on the road including Bob Reddic, who helped find the bus, Bill Marvin, who conducted a rigorous pre-purchase inspection on the bus, Claire Gladding, who generously donated to the fundraising effort, and Robbie Robertson, who let the scouts park the bus at his warehouse after the catalytic converter was stolen. The bus, aptly named “Claire,” is still on the road today. 

Fly like an Eagle: 

After seeing a need, Steve created a new position in the troop called “Eagle Mentor,” to help Life Scouts find and complete an Eagle Project, the last step towards earning the coveted Eagle Award. Without any hand holding, he provides struggling scouts with the framework and opportunity to develop their leadership skills by leading a large scale community service project.  99% of the time, these scouts will rise to the occasion– I should know, as I was his first guinea pig for the program. 

Over the years, Steve has led Eagle Projects at churches, schools, parks, foster cares, community centers, and more. On his dresser, he keeps a small box of “Eagle mentor pins,” given to him by scouts after earning their Eagle awards. Steve eventually put all of his learnings into a handbook, which is now a required part of the Eagle project process. So you could pretty much say he wrote the handbook on how to get your Eagle Award. 

A legacy of service, looking forward: 

Steve’s scouting journey isn’t over though. Over Easter, we attended a church service at St. Andrews in Winston-Salem, where Steve had helped coordinate a massive Eagle Project to build a community garden. The pastor was telling the church about how he got a call from Steve the very next day after finishing the project. He figured someone had left their hat or something but Steve just had one question– “What else can we do to help you?” 

Celebrating the Career and Retirement of Laura Kelley

After a storied career, Laura Kelley is officially retired. Looking back, she said that life is all about chapters. Some short, some long, but there’s usually a common theme, which in her case, is her unique ability to write, and her steadfast dedication to her family. Her biggest advice for others: If you’re bored, learn something new. Life can change fast too– in just a few years, she went from working at a ski resort in Colorado to becoming the director of communications for a hospital system. 

Chapter 1: Humble beginnings 

Laura had no idea what to do after graduating from Emory with a history degree. But she knew she could read and write, which led her to cold-call the Auburn-Opelika newspaper and ask for a job– Not any job in particular, just a job. They hired her on the spot as a proofreader. A few weeks in, Laura realized she could write as well as, if not better than, the staff reporters, so she decided to teach herself how to write for the paper by reading and analyzing articles. 

Eventually the newspaper needed a reporter and Laura was in the right place at the right time. She was charged with covering a federal court case against the Lee County Board of Education, wherein the school board had allegedly engaged in a wide range of activities “designed to maintain segregated public education throughout the State.” This article earned Laura a full time promotion to reporter and a regular beat following the Opelika police department. Her biggest story was following a natural gas explosion at the Kopper Kettle restaurant, which decimated downtown Auburn. Thankfully Laura got to report that no one died. 

In an age where everyone read the newspaper, the community collectively recognized Laura’s writing skills, which helped her land a job as a feature writer for Auburn’s public relations department. Her articles now had an even wider reach, and were picked up by several newspapers around the state and at least one was included in the Auburn football program.  Laura said this was her favorite job ever because she had the freedom to write about anything she wanted. But eventually, that freedom was no longer enough and she looked West for her next adventure. 

Chapter 2: Laura Kelley, master of her own destiny 

With a sense of adventure and without a plan, Laura moved to Breckenridge, Colorado, to work in the ski ticket office; partly because it would afford her the ability to go skiing every day.   Outside of the ski season, Laura worked a series of odd jobs. One year, her roommate got her a job with the city’s water department, where Laura led special projects like painting fire hydrants and color-coding various pipes. Another winter, it didn’t snow until January, and Laura had to take a job at Pizza Hut while she desperately waited for snow so the ski resort could reopen. 

She never gave up on her writing though, and took a freelance job working at the local paper. Her most memorable piece was writing about the resurrection of the Tabor Opera House, a small theater that had hosted famous acts like Buffalo Bill and Harry Houdini during Leadville’s mining boom in the late 1800’s. While not directly a result of Laura’s article, the theater’s ongoing resurrection has been well covered by the national media, including a segment on 60 Minutes. 

While visiting her parents back home in Auburn, her neighbor told her that getting an MBA was “the key to doing whatever you want, ” which sounded pretty enticing. So after exhausting her dream of skiing every day, she mailed off applications to the University of Colorado, William and Mary, and Wake Forest. 

Chapter 3:  Going Corporate 

After being accepted at all three MBA programs she applied to, Laura enrolled at Wake Forest and moved to Winston-Salem. Business school wasn’t what she expected though– Laura was a gifted writer and the school’s “case study” method didn’t jive with her. The program didn’t have lectures or textbooks (her preferred learning method); instead the professors would go around the room with pop-quiz style questions, and then base your grade on your answers. By the one-year mark, several students had flunked out, and Laura was considering quitting too. She called her dad but before she could get a word in, she clearly remembers him telling her “I’ll be proud of you no matter what.” This gave her the courage to push forward and rise to the top of the class. 

Shortly after graduating, Laura accepted her first corporate job as an assistant product manager for Wachovia. It was an important position but stymied by layers and layers of management. One of her big projects was redesigning the customer monthly statement but none of the other departments would agree on which font to use, leaving Laura stuck in the middle. Later on, the arguments centered around whether Y2K was really going to be the end of the world, and if so, how Laura should communicate that to clients. It wasn’t the sort of creative writing she was looking for though, so she looked for a window out as the company was going through a tough merger.  

This led to her next  job as the marketing and public relations director for a small psychiatric hospital system. She got the professional writing experience she had been looking for, however this company ended up having their own corporate problems too. Over a period of just six years, the hospital changed names three times, and Laura had to restart the whole name change PR campaign again. On top of that, the system had just gone through a leveraged buyout, which led to new stresses and pressures that were impeding on her precious family time. 

Chapter 4: Family First

Just after I was born, my mom decided to wholeheartedly focus on her highest calling, being a mother. She (temporarily) left behind her successful career to take Erin and me to Sciworks, Discovery Zone, Shaffner Park, and, if we were good, McDonalds. She never stopped writing, though this time she wrote newsletters and marketing materials for my dad’s construction company, Reliable Builders. 

After I started Kindergarten, Laura had more free time and yearned to rejoin the workforce, but this time something more altruistic than her previous corporate jobs. She was delighted to start working part-time at Senior Services, a non-profit that focused on meeting the needs of lower income senior citizens in the community. Laura was responsible for marketing and building connections  with corporate partners to help pay for other programs like Meals on Wheels. It was the kind of job that left a warm feeling in your heart, and made even better by a great boss.

Family came calling again in 2005, although this time it was my dad. By now, he was running a successful construction business but kept running into the same problem– realtors were eating up a large part of the profit to sell the houses he built. My mom, with her many talents, figured she could sell my dad’s houses just as easily as the next person and got her realtors license. The plan worked perfectly until 2008 when the housing market crashed. Between the cost of the house and all the fees to list and sell the house, my family had too much money tied up in real estate, so my mom went searching for a more steady paycheck. 

Working in the support services department at a law firm wasn’t her dream job, but she figured she could stick with it for a year or so and then move on. Things ended up being better than she thought though. She made a great group of friends and at 5pm she could “punch-out” and still have time for her book club, knitting club, and writing just for fun. 

Chapter 5: Into the Unknown

Laura officially retired on December 22nd but her book isn’t over– In fact, it may just be getting to the good part. With her new free time, she plans to volunteer as a docent at the Reynolda House, help kids with reading at a local school, and even… build out her own blog!! So far, she’s shared recipes, books, and skincare recommendations from her side hustle as an independent consultant for Rodan and Fields. But most of all, she’s looking forward to sleeping in (until 6:30) and spending time with our growing family. 

Retirement feels a little bit like restarting at chapter one, but with Laura writing her own next chapter, I’m sure it’ll be her best yet. 

Want to see more? Check out these pictures from my Mother’s Day post

Recapping One Year of Marriage

It gets better every day. Over the past year, we’ve settled into our new home, went on an amazing honeymoon in Mexico, and cherished the ups and downs of every day life. And part of that happiness is due to the great advice we received from friends and family along the way, including:

My sister, who evidently watches a lot of TV

“I’ve learned a lot about marriage from watching Family Feud.

  1. Support your team – even if the answer is not the best, respond with “good answer,
    good answer” Same goes in marriage, support one another’s dreams and goals and be
    each other’s biggest cheerleader
  2. When asked after a lighting round, always say “we wanna play, Steve!” – I hope in your
    marriage you’ll always be willing to play, take a risk and go all in. And finally,
  3. Win or lose, celebrate and act like you just won the prize – This one is
    pretty self explanatory, but have fun and hold each other tight during the good and hard
    times that life may bring you.”
Erin

Carol, who knows exactly how to lighten the mood

“I know I’m supposed to offer up relationship advice, but I’m single with a cat, so what do I know?! So here’s a Mad Lib from the wedding party instead:

What’s some advice that’s worth its weight in STEEL? First, let’s be real. FLOOFY disagreements are inevitable and can be as petty as fighting over whether to order curried CHEESECAKE or CHOCOLATE MOLTEN CAKE. Just remember that a(n) SPICY wife is a(n) HAIRY life. And when you act like a KERFLUFFLE, just apologize! Get in the habit of saying BYE BUDDY, HOPE YOU FIND YOUR DAD! And never go to bed BOTHERED

Remember to fan the DOGS of romance. Draw up a luxurious SMIRNOFF ICE bath and light some UN-SCOOPED KITTY LITTER scented candles for your beloved. But in all seriousness, the most important advice I can offer is to choose to love each other every day, even the hard ones, and always have fun.”

Caroline

Becca, who must’ve had a bad experience in the past…

“Get the absolute best Christmas tree stand you can. It’ll save your marriage.”

Becca

Garrett, my big brother from another mother

“Savor all the time you can and make mental images. But also make space for yourselves and remember it’s okay to be a little selfish with your time and preferences.

Garrett

Carter, quoting Nickelback

“I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame. I’d even cut my hair and change my name… Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar”

Carter

Brittany’s uncles, who have collectively been married for a very long time

“See if you’re still smiling in 25 years. LOL.”

Danny, Wayne, and Nick

Bobby, who forgot I’m a practicing martial artist

“Conflict is good sometimes.”

Bobby

Casey, who can rock the piano and your heart

“Love is like a pool. Take the plunge and meet in the middle where you’re both the most vulnerable.”

Casey

Brittany’s dad, the most photogenic person in the room

“Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

John

Who’s the best at memes?

I’m in an exclusive small group that trades marginally politically incorrect memes that you probably wouldn’t want your grandmother to see. The group, aptly named “send memes,” has some of my best friends, some of my friends’ friends, and even a few celebrities like Dwayne the Rock Johnson (who was added against his will and never actually opened the chat). By now you probably already know I like to rank things, so let’s dive in. Who’s the best at finding and sharing memes?

The results were measured by looking at every meme posted in the group over the past three years and keeping track of which posts got the most “likes,” and who sent them. There’s probably over 5,000 memes in the chat but the “best of the best” memes all have at least six “likes” from the group, and usually involve satire, poking fun at PC culture, an irreverent twist on current events, or strangely, The Lord of the Rings. So here are the winners and losers, ranked by the number of memes submitted with 6+ “likes.” I’ve also included a sampling of each person’s top memes.

Ryan, Jimmy, and Wes were neck and neck heading into the fourth quarter but Ryan ultimately pulled away with the most consistent (meme) running game

1st Place: Ryan

With eight memes on the leaderboard, Ryan was the clear choice for the winner by volume. His posts generate widespread acclaim for mocking the absurdities of modern life; specializing in pop culture and office humor. Ryan is your bread and butter RB1.

2nd Place: Jimmy

A close second, Jimmy puts up powerful memes that bring back some serious childhood memories like binge watching Lord of the Rings, playing Pokemon Yellow until 4am, and fighting with your friends over the Halo controller. This friendly rivalry could turn into an all out fist fight come playoff season.

3rd Place: Wes

Wes is a serious contender, having shared the most popular meme ever in the group shown below. I don’t totally understand it but I guess everyone else does. Regardless, Wes’ has an undisputed monopoly on timely and spicy memes on current events.

4th Place: Luke

Luke is a dark horse candidate that could blast into the top 3 on a moment’s notice. He can take any scenario and spin it in a completely different direction with his sinister humor.

5th Place: Thomas

Thomas is the group wildcard. He excels in finding obscure accounts and going straight for the shock factor. Some of his posts don’t always land but when they do, they’re big.

Tied 6th Place: Sean

I expected a better performance out of Sean since he largely brought this group together. He’ll sneak in with some fire memes but we really need to see more from him.

Tied for 6th Place: Addison

Addison has strong potential based on his quick trigger for being the first person in your contact list to share viral memes. He’s down on the list but don’t count him out.

7th Place: Jeff

Jeff deserves to keep his starting position but we’d keep him near the bottom of the batting order. Even so, he’ll impress you with you his brashness and absurdity. Daniel Radcliffe rapping? Classic.

Tied for 8th place: Andrew

I like Andrew because he’s okay making a joke at his own expense. Let’s keep an eye on him… and his hairline.

Tied for 8th place: Zach

Back in the day Zach was a mean linebacker for our high school football team. Nowadays he’s the king of dad jokes and often reminisces about we would’ve been state champions if coach had put him in in the fourth quarter. Is Zach a “has been” or is he just getting starting with his new career in the meme game? I’m thinking its the latter.

Tied for 8th place: Eric

Covid-19 led to some of best memes of our generation. However these memes became a dime a dozen as Covid dragged on. We’ll have to wait and see if Eric can tread water in the new meme environment.

The Loser’s Circle:

These guys have never even had the courage to dream about standing on the winner’s podium. They’d rather fake a tummy ache than go up to bat with the game on the line. In fact, over three years and thousands of at bats, they’ve never even gotten on base. Their memes are old, tired, or non-existent.

  • Andrew
  • Dwayne The Rock Johnson
  • Neal 
  • Carter
  • Bobby 
  • Scott
  • Josh
  • Ashley
  • Graham
  • David
  • Jeremy
  • Alex
  • Matt

Honorable Mention Memes (shared by Ryan)

Reviewing Movie Reviewers

It all started with the “Barbenheimer.”

And now, 60 days later, I’m exhausted. Brittany and I have seen 11 movies (in theater) over the past two months. After learning that movie tickets can now cost up to $20.41 (no joke), we signed up for the AMC “A list,” a subscription service where you can see up to three movies per week for a monthly fee of $21.50. Our mission, which we chose to accept, was to see as many movies as possible to get our monies’ worth out of the subscription service. With the period coming to an end, I wanted to answer three key questions about movie reviewers:

1. What’s the difference between the different rating sources?

User Based Reviews:

IMDb scores are based on a weighted-average rating of all registered users (meaning everyday people). This is supposed to give you a good idea of what normal consumers think of the movie. However not all votes carry the same weight, which was designed to prevent individuals (or groups) from rigging the rating. IMDb says they don’t disclose that calculation “to ensure [their] rating mechanism remains effective.” Like many other user-based review sites, the biggest pitfall is that most people only submit a review when they have very strong positive or negative feelings about a movie, which skews the ratings in favor of either enthusiastic supporters or strong critics.

Audience Score, by Rotten Tomatoes, is similar to IMDb in that it represents the percentage of everyday users who rated a movie or TV show positively. There isn’t much information available on how the final score is tallied or if there are any weightings. Regardless, similar to IMDb, this score is susceptible to review bombing or inflated ratings by franchise cults.

Brittany’s Ratings. Brittany is my most trusted movie companion to see all these movies. Not only do we share similar tastes, but we get to experience these movies together, which whether we admit or not, does matter. For example, the theater was freezing cold during Haunted Mansion which literally created a chilling atmosphere. Or during The Equalizer 3, the projector was out of focus for the first 45 minutes of the film, leaving us both annoyed.

Critic-based Reviews:

The Tomatometer, by Rotten Tomatoes, is a score based on the opinions of hundreds of film and television critics. It gives a quick and reliable idea of whether a movie is worth watching. However, the biggest issue with the Tomatometer is that it breaks down complex opinions into a “Yes” or “No” score, and takes the simple average. So if every critic scored a movie 2.5 of out of 4 stars, the Tomatometer would consider all of those positive reviews and give the film a 100% rating, whereas a simple average would give the movie 62.5/100.

Metacritic collects reviews from a broad range of critics and aggregates them into one “metascore.” The individual scores are averaged but somehow weighted according to a critic’s popularity, stature, and volume of reviews through a secret process. Several people still consider this the most balanced aggregate score.

Source

2. Why are the ratings so different?

Using the 11 movies Brittany and I saw over the past 60 days, we can pull out the following takeaways:

A. User-based review sites seem more likely to be impacted by manipulation.

  • Compared to a professional movie critic, individual user ratings from IMDb and “Audience Score” seem more likely (or easier) to be influenced by hype, controversy, or organized efforts to flood a score with either overly positive or negative reviews to manipulate the score.
  • For example, the “Audience Score” seems particularly unreliable. It gave “Haunted Mansion” an 8.4/10, a surprisingly high rating compared to Metacritic (4.7), the Tomatometer (3.8), and my own rating (5). The film was notoriously a box office flop, only grossing $24M at the box office during opening weekend. Could Disney have paid or influenced users to leave positive reviews on the “Audience Score” to artificially inflate the movie’s score?

B. Weighted averages tend to lead to lower average scores.

  • IMDb and Metacritc both openly state that their scores are subject to some sort of behind-the-scenes weighting formula, whereas the Tomatometer is based on a simple average. The “Audience Score” doesn’t say whether it’s weighted or not, so I’ll assume it’s a simple average.
  • The average rating was 7.28 for IMDb and 6.66 for Metacritic; both lower than the simple averages taken from Tomatometer (7.68) and “Audience Score” (8.45).  This could be because the former sites exclude (or dilute) outliers and suspicious reviews like we saw with “Haunted Mansion” in section A. This also may help explain why user-based scores for IMDB and “Audience Score” are so different; because of weighted averages.  

C. Critics often rate movies lower than everyday movie goers.

  • Critics and audience members often have different criteria for evaluating films. For example, critics often consider cinematography, artistic value, and other technical aspects. Audience members, on the other hand, may be more influenced by sampling basis (i.e. only going to movies they’re likely to enjoy and rate highly), herd mentality (i.e. if Brittany likes a movie I’m inclined to agree with her), or the entertainment factor (i.e. the number of explosions).  
  • This discrepancy was most apparent for “Gran Turismo.” Metacritic’s score of 4.8 was significantly lower than the user based reviews from the “Audience Score” (9.8) and IMDb (7.4). Brittany and I also rated the movie high at 9.3 and 9.5 respectively. On the other end of the spectrum, Metacritic rated the artistic film “Asteroid City” at 7.4, higher than IMDb (6.7) and the “Audience Score” (6.2).

3. Which rating service most closely aligns with my own ratings?

My own ratings most closely align with the Tomatometer, however, I don’t think the Tomatometer tells the entire story by itself. I’d look to IMDb first given that A. My personal rating is more likely to align with other audience members (rather than critics) and B. IMDb appears to do a good job of sorting out outliers and manipulation.

To wrap it all up:

Ratings don’t always make sense. They can be good guides, but the magic of the cinema is largely rooted in your own personal taste and connection to the film. My favorite part of the movie-going experience has been the excitement of being in a sold out theater on opening night, always having something to talk about around the office water cooler, and having a weekly date with Brittany.

Oh and Nichole Kidman is annoying.

Saying goodbye

I held onto my grandparents 2002 Toyota Camry a lot longer than most people would have. It wasn’t just a car to me, it was a symbol of coming home and bringing people together. Whether it was seeing my grandparents pull into the driveway, or being 21 and coming home from college to visit my parents, this car has taken me to, and through, a lot of key life moments. Unfortunately, all good things eventually come to an end, and it’s finally time to say goodbye.

My grandparents Clarke and Peggy originally bought this car new from Dyas Toyota in Auburn, Alabama in 2002 for $18,970. The car went on to live many different lives over its 22 years of reliably serving the Holloway/Kelley family. Its first chapter began with shuffling grandkids around, attending Auburn football games, visiting family, and driving between bridge club (Peggy) and the golf course (Clarke). My sister and I would tag along in the back seat and my grandparents always had to put down the armrest in between us as a physical barrier to keep us from fighting. And there was always, always, chewing gum in the center console, which I later learned was because my grandfather had acid reflux, just like me.

When I got to middle school, the Camry stopped going to the driving range as much and spent a lot more time traipsing between doctor appointments. In March 2008, the car took us to my grandfather’s funeral. Not long after, the car moved east as my grandmother moved into the Salemtowne retirement community in Winston-Salem to be closer to us. Her eyes were getting weaker around the same time I got my learner’s permit, so I’d drive the Camry over to visit and some days we’d go out for a drive with no destination in mind. But most times we’d go to Allen’s Dairy Treats since no one could make a hamburger as good as them.

In November 2009, I passed the drivers education test in the front seat of the Camry. Being a high school kid, I didn’t have a lot of money so my dad taught me how to do basic maintenance like changing the oil. However, I used the little money I had to put in a new radio along with a set of subwoofers in the trunk that I bought off Craigslist. That part didn’t last long as I blew the subwoofers by playing it too loud. Around April of 2011, my dad and I spent all day shining up the Camry in the driveway so it looked just like the day it left the showroom (nine years ago at this point) to take me to the high school prom.

I graduated from high school in 2012 and the Camry followed me to Chapel Hill. Around September 2013, I picked up my future wife Brittany in the Camry for our very first date to go to a play at Playmaker’s Theatre on UNC’s campus. Unfortunately by this point my grandmother had passed on too. Both of my grandparents would have really loved Brittany. Especially my grandmother– I’ve never seen anyone read as many books as the two of them. After college, Brittany left town to attend ECU’s Physician Assistant school. The Camry didn’t have auto-pilot but it could just about drive from Durham to Greenville by itself since I made that trip so many times. In December 2022, the Camry drove Brittany and I to our wedding in Greensboro (note we drove home in a badass Cadillac). And around that same time, the Camry pulled into the driveway of our very first home together.

This is a bittersweet goodbye for sure. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited to get new features like a built in GPS, but I’ll miss my grandparents paper maps in the backseat pocket, and always having chewing gum in the center console.

Homemade memes of Ryan and his friends

Where do memes start? And how does one become a meme? I’m not exactly sure, but here a few pictures that deserve to be memes and when to use them.

Meme name: “So we took a vote…”

When to use it: Send this to your friend as a firm and impolite way to shoot down their idea. 

Meme name: “Cubmaster Carter”

When to use it: When you’re a grown ass adult but your grandma still calls you her “little cub scout”.

Meme name: “Everything’s great Evan”

When to use it: When everything’s not going great.

Meme name: “But did you know… Bobby”

When to use it: When you need to mansplain something with your pinky out.

Meme name: “A Note to Backseat Drivers.”

When to use it: When your friend just won’t shut up.

Meme name: “Ball is Life”

When to use it: When you’re feeling too cool for school.

Meme name: “Crappy Day”

When to use it: When you’re having a crappy day, like that time someone took a crap on top of Brittany’s car.

Meme name: “Earnestly Excited Erin”

When to use it: When you’re earnestly excited.

Meme name: “The Dark Times”

When to use it: When anyone asks what Covid-19 was really like.

Meme Name: “UNC Basketball Fan”

When to use it: When UNC starts the year as #1 and then doesn’t even make the NCAA tournament.

Memo name: “Bigfoot siting?”

When to use it: When boys’ night out takes an unexpected turn.

Meme name: “DIY Tiger King”

When to use it: Any time someone mentions a tiger.

Meme name: “Mr. Manly Man”

When to use it: When someone’s style is so crazy that it just might work.

Meme name: “Gifts from Grandma”

When to use it: When someone gives you a gift and you have to immediately put it on and pretend like you love it.

But Did You Really Read My Blog Though? And Other General Trivia

Are you smarter than the 2012 Mount Tabor academic team? Or Zach’s 9th grade social studies class? Or have you at least read my blog posts? Take the four round quiz here to find out. My mom currently holds the record at 24/40 questions correct.

Round 1: But did you really read my blog though?

Round 2: Homeownership 101

Round 3: Rock and Roll Trivia

Round 4: Are you smarter than a high schooler?

Here’s the leaderboard as of 7/27/23. Let me know your score in the comments and I’ll add you to the list.

Who’s the better blogger: Ryan or Artificial Intelligence?

Artificial intelligence could soon put my blog out of business. But before throwing in the towel, who’s posts do you like more? To find out, I took some of my old posts and asked ChatGPT to answer the same topics.

1. What was the coolest cell phone in the early 2000’s?

Ryan:

The Samsung Juke. It doubles as an mp3 player, fits in your pocket, and the clock is reasonably accurate. The only con is that I’m not sure if it can actually make a phone call or not.

ChatGPT:

The Nokia 3310. With its physical buttons that required a Herculean effort to press, texting on the Nokia 3310 was like playing a high-stakes game of finger gymnastics. If you mastered the art of texting on this phone, you were considered a modern-day Shakespeare.

See my full post Cell phones have gotten lamer over time

2. What’s the biggest drawbacks of having a girlfriend?

Ryan:

When your girlfriend says her hands are cold, there’s a 95% chance she’s going to put her cold hands on you to prove how cold they are.

ChatGPT:

Forget about living in a pet-free home. With a girlfriend, you suddenly find yourself in a never-ending battle against her shedding hair. 

See my full post The Drawbacks of Having a Girlfriend

3. What’s the best household appliance?

Ryan:

The George Foreman Grill, as presented by Evan and voted on by the Revolution

ChatGPT:  

The Washing Machine.

It’s a marvel of modern technology, freeing us from the ancient burden of hand-washing clothes. It’s like having a magical vortex that devours your dirty laundry and spits out fresh, clean garments. But beware of the treacherous sock-eating monster that lurks within.

See my full post What’s the best household appliance? A Spirited Quarantine Debate

4. Which is the WORST apple-based recipe?

Ryan:

Colin’s Apple Cider, from my sister’s 1st grade class cookbook. Note this recipe has more sugar than water, and one of the ingredients is “one bowl.” Some of the other recipes in the cookbook included bizarre ingredients like 20 bumble bees??, raw eggs and flour (yuck!), and then nonsensical instructions like “cook at 12 for 11.”

ChatGPT:

Apple Explosion Delight:

  1. Take peeled apples and give them a nice roll in glitter. Make sure they sparkle like magical disco balls. It’s all about that glitz and glamour in our recipe.
  2. In a large bowl, combine the toothpaste and ketchup. Stir it up until it becomes a sticky, colorful mess. This is our top-secret sauce that will bring all the flavors together. Or maybe not.

See my full post The WORST Recipes From My Sister’s First Grade Class

5. Name something useful you learned from your dad

Ryan:

With boats, don’t ask how much it’s going to cost. You don’t want to know. Just do it.

ChatGPT:

Having a secret stash of snacks strategically hidden throughout the house ensures a constant supply of deliciousness. Whether it’s a bag of chips behind the sofa or cookies in the bathroom cabinet, be prepared for any snacking emergency.

See my full post Things I Learned from My Dad

6. Can you turn your craziest dream into a movie idea?

Ryan:

Movie Title: The Pirate from the Shadows

Plot: My sister Erin and I find out we have an evil step-brother. Because of a traumatic incident as a child at Disney World, he thinks he’s a pirate, and has been locked away for years in a mental hospital. He escapes and comes after our family for revenge, armed with a pirate ship and crew.

ChatGPT:

Movie Title: Chronicles of the Quantum Dreamers

Plot: In a world where dreams come alive and reality bends to the whims of the subconscious, a quirky group of individuals discover they possess the ability to control their dreams and enter a shared dream realm called the “Quantum Dream.”

Our protagonist, Max, a socially awkward math genius, finds himself trapped in a perpetual dream loop where he’s chased by a horde of rubber duckies armed with laser guns. Desperate to escape this nightmarish cycle, he stumbles upon an underground society of Dreamers, led by the enigmatic Dr. Lucidia.

Dr. Lucidia reveals that the Quantum Dream is under threat from an evil dream villain known as the Nightmare King, whose malevolent presence is infecting dreams with fear and chaos. Max, along with a colorful crew of fellow Dreamers, including a retired circus performer who controls dreams through juggling and a talking cat with a knack for riddles, embarks on a mind-bending quest to stop the Nightmare King and restore balance to the dream realm.

See my full post Ryan’s Crazy Dreams Turned into Movie Ideas

7. How badly can you roast my friend Carter?

Ryan:

The only thing more broken than Carter’s love life is his wallet. As a broke high school student in 2012, he ordered the market price steak and lobster, and just about cried when the $80 check came. Moral of the story, Carter, if you have to ask… you still can’t afford it!

ChatGPT:

Carter, you’re like our very own Fez from That ’70s Show. I mean, with that wild hair and those big, innocent eyes, it’s like you were plucked straight out of the Jungle Book. And let’s be real here, we’re not entirely convinced you know how to read. Remember that time in Spanish class when the teacher asked about your weekend plans, and all you could muster up was “uhhhhh poptarts?” Yeah, Carter, we’ve got our doubts.

See my full post The Roast of Carter Fields: A Tribute to 16 Years of Friendship

8. How much does it cost to have a girlfriend per month?

Ryan:

Grand Total: $70.50

May 1: Britt bought ice cream for both of us. Running total: -$3.50.
May 4: Britt bought me a cocktail at Calavera. Running total: -$13.50.
May 8: I bought ice cream. Running total: -$10.
May $19: I bought a round of drinks at Top O. Running total: -$4.
May 20: Erin (my sister) gave me tickets to a Brad Paisely concert. Cost: free! We went to dinner beforehand at the Loop. Running total: $5.50.
May 23: Dinner at Imbibe, I had a gift card so it was basically free. Don’t go here for food though… 1 star.
May 31: So this one’s on me. I really wanted to go to a Green Day concert and I think the only way I could convince anyone to go with me was if I buy a ticket for Britt. Running total: $70.50.

ChatGPT:

Grad Total: $220

  1. Gift expenses: $50 – Because nothing says “I love you” like a bouquet of half-price gas station flowers and a last-minute, on-sale box of chocolates. Romance on a budget, folks!
  2. Date nights: $100 – We’re talking about those fancy candlelit dinners at the finest fast-food establishments, complete with the extra-value meal and a shared soda. Classy, yet cost-effective.
  3. Movie outings: $40 – Catching the latest blockbuster movies on discount Tuesdays, armed with a smuggled-in bag of stale popcorn and a pocketful of expired coupons.
  4. Miscellaneous surprises: $30 – This includes those spontaneous moments of chivalry, like buying her a dollar store trinket or surprise serenading her with a kazoo rendition of her favorite song.
  5. Emotional support: Priceless – Because being there for each other during good times, bad times, and the “I can’t decide what to wear” times is invaluable. Cue the sentimental music.

See my full post How Much Does it Really Cost to Have a Girlfriend: A One-month Study

9. Make up a recipe that uses less four ingredients and takes less than 20 minutes start to finish

Ryan:

Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue Chicken Pizza

 Step 1: Start with pita bread— I’m really not seeing the difference between pita bread and pizza crust so let’s just stick with pita bread.

Step 2: Add pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, and chicken

Step 3: Throw it in the oven for 15 minutes at 350 degrees

photo 1

ChatGPT:

Cheesy Pesto Chicken Skillet

  1. Preheat your skillet over medium-high heat.
  2. Season the chicken breasts with salt and pepper on both sides.
  3. Place the chicken breasts in the skillet and cook for about 5-6 minutes per side, or until they are cooked through and no longer pink in the center.
  4. Spread 2 tablespoons of pesto sauce on top of each chicken breast.
  5. Sprinkle the shredded mozzarella cheese evenly over the chicken breasts.
  6. Add the cherry tomato halves to the skillet, spreading them around the chicken.
  7. Cover the skillet with a lid and let it cook for an additional 3-4 minutes, or until the cheese has melted and the tomatoes are slightly softened.
  8. Remove the skillet from heat and let it cool for a minute or two.
  9. Serve the cheesy pesto chicken hot, and optionally garnish with fresh basil leaves for extra flavor.

See my full post How to Food: The One Where Ryan Learns How to Cook and Can Teach You Too

10. Create a Bingo board using action movie cliches

Ryan:

ChatGPT:

See my full post Bad Guy Bingo: A Summary of Every Action Movie Ever

Still not convinced? Check out these 10 reasons why you should follow my blog

DIY Projects at the Kelley House

Brittany and I (along with lots of help from our dads) are trying to learn some DIY skills. Here’s a look back at the past few months…

Replaced a rotten deck post (scroll through)

Replaced a leaking garbage disposal (which had started pouring water five minute before we were about to leave for our wedding)

Brittany spackled and painted over lots of dog scratches

Straightened the fence (scroll through)

Patched over some holes in the wall

Made some minor color adjustments

Installed a ceiling fan

And lots more– changed locks, replaced dishwasher hoses, installed a flood light, sealed the driveway, refinished furniture (in process), and changed/installed smoke detectors, among others.