family

Celebrating One Year of Zach and Spencer

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About a year ago, two of my best friends tied the knot. Zach had given a knockout speech at my wedding the year before, so here’s the toast (and light roast) that I gave to the happy couple. It seems to have worked because they’re happier than ever today. Cheers to many more!

Zach has been my best friend since the third grade, although it feels more like I’ve been a part of the Routh family since the third grade. 

When we were little, Mr. Routh would take us to high school football games, Mrs. Routh would take us to events at Christ Moravian, Nathan would pick on me and Zach, and naturally, me and Zach would pick on Jacob. We even went to Laurel Ridge together in the third grade, although I got homesick and didn’t go back until Spencer hosted Zach’s 30th birthday party at Laurel Ridge a few months ago. 

A few years later, Spencer, Zach, and I all went to the same high school. I didn’t know Spencer at the time but apparently Spencer knew who Zach and I were. And apparently, she thought Zach and I were cool, although I’m not really sure why. Me and Zach were on the academic team, which wasn’t exactly very popular. And just to put Zach’s coolness in perspective,  some of his hobbies over the next few years would include reading books about traffic, taking classes about lawn care, and growing a mullet. But hey at least Zach had the football thing going for him at the time. 

As far as I know, Zach and Spencer probably met at Laurel Ridge when they were in high school, although I’m not exactly sure because I never went back to camp because of the whole third grade incident. Anyways, I think it took a few years for Zach to become cool enough for Spencer to finally give him a shot. They reconnected a few years later in 2018 and I could tell Zach was totally smitten. I don’t think I ever told Zach but I definitely remember thinking, “dude she’s way too cool for you.”

At the time, Spencer’s best quality, at least from my eyes, included the fact that her parents had a sweet beach house. But over time I learned that she has so many other amazing qualities. And as their relationship grew, Spencer quickly integrated into our friend group called the Revolution. She fit right in with the boys because she’s always down to camping, sit through back to back football games, scheme on new business ventures, and even invite us to her parent’s beach house. But as time went on, my favorite thing about their relationship is that it’s never felt like I’ve been losing my best friend to a girl, it feels like me and Zach have both gained a new best friend.  

Spencer, I’m trusting you to take over some of the daily duties of being Zach’s best friend. These duties include hiding photos of Gio Bernard around the house, always keeping a stash of Smirnoff Ice and banana liquor on hand, and making up games that always put Zach at a slight disadvantage. But I’ve got to warn you that being Zach’s best friend isn’t always easy. I don’t remember why but in 2008 Zach posted on my Facebook wall, “Hey I just kicked Blake’s ass and you’re next.” And one piece of advice– don’t ever make a sports related bet with Zach. One time Zach and I were playing basketball, I lost a best on a half court shot, and had to sleep outside on the porch that night. 

Zach, I’m not sure how you did it, but you really did hit way out of your league in finding Spencer, and I couldn’t imagine a better match for either of you. 

Zach and Spencer, I love both, don’t miss your 7am flight tomorrow. Cheers! 

Note Zach has been a regular feature and contributor to my blog. See more of Zach here.

Celebrating Two Years of Happiness

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A little over two years ago, our dear friend Terry was trying to figure out what to say at our wedding. It was her first time officiating a wedding and to put it simply, she wanted to know why I wanted to marry Brittany. Here’s how I responded on Thanksgiving Day 2022.

Hi Terry, Today especially, it makes sense to be thankful for Brittany on Thanksgiving. I know you’ve seen the photobooks of us smiling and posing for different occasions, but the best part of our relationship is really what happens in between those photos. Brittany is caring, sharp-witted, and full of love, which makes loving her so easy.

Brittany is caring

At times, I’d swear she was an angel. Earlier this year, I was sick for a full two weeks. Most people would have stayed away, or given up on me after a few days, but Brittany kept the tea kettle warm and would check on me in the middle of the night. I’ll never forget the compassion she showed as she poured warm water through my hair in the bathtub, bringing me back to life. This compassion extends to other people as well. A few years ago, we were driving through Chapel Hill and witnessed a terrible car crash, with one of the cars spinning twenty feet down a ravine and into a fence. Brittany instinctively pulled our car into a safe spot and ran down the slope to check on the driver. Another time, and very early in our relationship, Brittany got stuck taking care of both me and my dad at the same time after I’d just gotten my wisdom teeth taken out and my dad was recovering from a significant hip surgery. Brittany juggled both tasks with a smile… way above the call of duty for any caretaker, let alone a new girlfriend at the time. For my dad, an extra blanket in the middle of the night made a world of difference and cemented her status as an angel in the Kelley household. Her empathy and compassion seem to have no end, which makes her both a good medical provider and an easy choice for my lifetime partner.

Brittany is smart

And when she puts her mind to something, nothing can stop her. There was a brief period early in our relationship where Brittany and I were spending so much time together that her grades began to slightly slip. She was taking Calculus 2, an important prerequisite for pursuing a career in the medical field, and wasn’t happy with her first test grade. She looked me in the eyes and said, “I’m going to get an ‘A’ in this class.” Our dates quickly changed from ice cream and Old Chicago pizza to meeting up in Davis Library. But the results came quickly too; I don’t think she ever got anything less than ‘A’ throughout the rest of her time in school, including her master’s degree at ECU. Brittany’s not one to brag, but she scored in the top 1% of all PA school students on the final board exam. Plus, she’s not just school smart. She’s also good at answering my common questions like “what should we make for dinner?”, “what day was that event again?”, or “do you know where I left my shoes?”

Brittany has a kind and tender heart, and I’m so thankful she has chosen to share it with me

The sweetness and sincerity of her love is undeniable. If she has an early morning, she’ll leave a handwritten note on the counter to wish me a good day. When I get home in the afternoon, she’ll be waiting for me at the door with a warm embrace or a round of applause (silly but my favorite). Her favorite way to wake up in the morning is with a kiss on her forehead and a big smile on her face. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know how to walk beside me without holding my hand. She’s the most thoughtful planner and gift-giver for birthdays and holidays. These may seem like little things, but they mean a lot and provide a snapshot of why I can’t wait to marry Brittany.

 This list could just have easily been a hundred pages long but Brittany’s compassion, intelligence, and kind heart are just three of the reasons why I love her. I can confidently look forward to our wedding without any nerves and a lifetime of happiness to follow. 

As we’re celebrating our two-year anniversary today, I’m happy to report back that things are better than ever. Just take a look at the cover photo here– we’re so in sync that we even got each other the same anniversary card.

Want more? Check out my recap from our first anniversary

See you next time

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Logan didn’t like to talk about the “c” word, even though it loomed over him every day for six and a half years. It’s something that happened, but it’s not who he was. Logan was smart, funny, determined, and one of my very best friends, and that’s how I’ll always remember him.

I met Logan around 2014 when he joined KA at UNC. In the fraternity world, Logan was my “little brother’s little brother,” which meant that Bobby and I were both supposed to be mentors for him. But Logan was always determined to find his own path and ended up being more of a role model for both of us. Against all logic, he decided to pursue physics, probably the hardest major at UNC, driven by his innate desire to understand how things work, particularly everything related to space. This scientific mindset later led him to earn a master’s degree in analytics.

Logan was often quiet, but when he talked, people listened. Even though he could be serious a lot of the time, he was also funny in his own sarcastic but loving way. One time, I accidentally put milk in the pantry instead of the fridge. Logan was over at my house the next day and opened up the cupboard. He saw the milk and, with a sly smile, said, “Oh cool, you have your own milk shelf,” then closed the cabinet and went about whatever he was doing.

Logan’s passions were simple yet profound: he loved craft beer, Marvel movies, videogames, spending time with friends, and Tar Heel athletics. He proudly wore UNC’s colors through his master’s program at NC State and later through the halls of Duke Hospital. He always knew all the latest stats and transfer portal rumors. For ten years, Logan was my right-hand man at nearly every UNC home football game, the kind of fan who never left early to beat traffic. When he could no longer attend because of health reasons, he made sure the tickets found their way into a friend’s hands to carry on the tradition.

Logan was loved and supported by so many friends, family members, fraternity brothers, classmates, and colleagues. To illustrate what type of friend Logan was, I remember a story he told about going to the beach with his aunt and uncle on a hot day. They knew he loved craft beer but didn’t know much about it themselves, so they got him a six-pack of Duck Rabbit Milk Stout, which would be about as refreshing as a large glass of thick chocolate milk. Logan politely thanked them and pretended to enjoy one to avoid hurting their feelings. I think he told them later on, and they all laughed about it. Another time Logan had brought a first date to a football game, and in an unlucky turn of events, Bojangles sold me chicken tenders that were raw in the middle. I was either too shy or disgusted to do anything about it at the time but Logan and his date graciously offered to “handle it” for me. They returned the tenders to the store and warned everyone in line about what had happened. Bojangles felt so bad about it that they gave Logan and his date triple their money back in cash. They ended the day with a grateful crowd of people saved from food poisoning and a first-date story that left us all laughing.

We were playing on an adult kickball team around the time Logan was diagnosed with cancer. I remember taking him to one of his first doctor’s appointments because of what he thought was just back pain at the time. There were a lot of ups and downs over the next six and a half years, including a brief celebration in 2019 when the cancer went into remission. But no matter how hard things got, Logan’s personality always shined brighter than the pain he was going through. He was always there for us, and we were there for him when he needed us. Our close-knit group of friends visited him in every hospital room, offered rides, brought food, and even lodged a formal complaint when the handicap bathroom wasn’t actually handicap friendly. The most meaningful event was when Councill rented out a movie theater, and twenty of our friends came from near and far to join Logan in rewatching his favorite movie, “Interstellar,” on the big screen.

Logan was a great person and an amazing friend, and it hurts to think about how much I’ll miss his quick wit, late-night space talks, sports commentary, and everything in between. But I know he’d want us to hold onto the good memories until we meet again. To his friends and family, Logan didn’t say goodbye—he said, “I love you, and I’ll see you next time.”

A Leader Among Boys

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Steve was the only one surprised when Dr. Golden called out his name to receive Boy Scouts’ “District Leader of the Year” award last month. Over the past 25 years, Steve has earned a reputation for tirelessly serving the scouting community and being willing to take on the jobs that no one else wants to do. He’s driven by a desire to pass on the same skills he learned in scouting, and the many doors that scouting can unlock for kids today. I couldn’t make it to the awards ceremony but Steve smiled as he recapped the event. “I’m not in it for the awards,” he said, “but if you see a need and go do it for 25 years, maybe you’ll get a certificate too.” 

“What can I do to be of help?”

Most leaders know Steve by his famous catchphrase, “What can I do to be of help?” Over the years, these magic words have put him in charge of a lot of different things, like the Great Day of Service, Scout Sunday, Scouting for Food, all water sports related trips, the Eagle Board of Review, and much more. As we continued talking, he walked me through a few of the more challenging roles he’s had in scouting. 

Popcorn challenge accepted:

“It’s got to be the worst job in the troop,” he said. The Popcorn Chairman’s job is to organize a group of 60 boys aged 13-17 into a salesforce to sell popcorn and raise money for the troop. Don, the previous chairman, had just retired from the position and none of the leaders wanted the job, especially since Don had just set a new sales record (and expectation) for the troop to sell $25,000 worth of popcorn. Steve volunteered to do it on three conditions: 1. I’m only going to do it for three years. 2. I won’t handle the money. 3. We’re going to raise the sales goal from $25k to $30k… largely because the people who make the popcorn offer free delivery if your troop sells $30k worth of popcorn.

To make matters worse, it was fall 2008 and the economy was in shambles. Nevertheless, Steve found success by putting the right incentives (prizes) in place for the scouts, recruiting a treasurer (CPA) to physically handle the money, and getting the moms involved, which somehow no one had ever thought of doing. Steve pushed me the hardest, so if you’re reading this post, chances are you probably bought popcorn form me at some point.

Bus on the brink: 

Step 1: Panic. The Scout bus was winding through the mountains of West Virginia when the headlights went completely dark. This wasn’t the first time the bus had put the scouts in a dangerous position, and Steve made the call… “this is the last trip we’re ever taking on this bus.” 

Thank goodness the popcorn fundraiser was a success because Steve a new job— finding, fundraising, and purchasing a new Scout bus. Steve didn’t know the first thing about buying a bus, which brought him right back to Step 1… Panic. Fortunately, one of Steve’s many talents is bringing the right people together to solve a problem. He teared up thinking about the community members who stepped up to get the scouts back on the road including Bob Reddic, who helped find the bus, Bill Marvin, who conducted a rigorous pre-purchase inspection on the bus, Claire Gladding, who generously donated to the fundraising effort, and Robbie Robertson, who let the scouts park the bus at his warehouse after the catalytic converter was stolen. The bus, aptly named “Claire,” is still on the road today. 

Fly like an Eagle: 

After seeing a need, Steve created a new position in the troop called “Eagle Mentor,” to help Life Scouts find and complete an Eagle Project, the last step towards earning the coveted Eagle Award. Without any hand holding, he provides struggling scouts with the framework and opportunity to develop their leadership skills by leading a large scale community service project.  99% of the time, these scouts will rise to the occasion– I should know, as I was his first guinea pig for the program. 

Over the years, Steve has led Eagle Projects at churches, schools, parks, foster cares, community centers, and more. On his dresser, he keeps a small box of “Eagle mentor pins,” given to him by scouts after earning their Eagle awards. Steve eventually put all of his learnings into a handbook, which is now a required part of the Eagle project process. So you could pretty much say he wrote the handbook on how to get your Eagle Award. 

A legacy of service, looking forward: 

Steve’s scouting journey isn’t over though. Over Easter, we attended a church service at St. Andrews in Winston-Salem, where Steve had helped coordinate a massive Eagle Project to build a community garden. The pastor was telling the church about how he got a call from Steve the very next day after finishing the project. He figured someone had left their hat or something but Steve just had one question– “What else can we do to help you?” 

Celebrating the Career and Retirement of Laura Kelley

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After a storied career, Laura Kelley is officially retired. Looking back, she said that life is all about chapters. Some short, some long, but there’s usually a common theme, which in her case, is her unique ability to write, and her steadfast dedication to her family. Her biggest advice for others: If you’re bored, learn something new. Life can change fast too– in just a few years, she went from working at a ski resort in Colorado to becoming the director of communications for a hospital system. 

Chapter 1: Humble beginnings 

Laura had no idea what to do after graduating from Emory with a history degree. But she knew she could read and write, which led her to cold-call the Auburn-Opelika newspaper and ask for a job– Not any job in particular, just a job. They hired her on the spot as a proofreader. A few weeks in, Laura realized she could write as well as, if not better than, the staff reporters, so she decided to teach herself how to write for the paper by reading and analyzing articles. 

Eventually the newspaper needed a reporter and Laura was in the right place at the right time. She was charged with covering a federal court case against the Lee County Board of Education, wherein the school board had allegedly engaged in a wide range of activities “designed to maintain segregated public education throughout the State.” This article earned Laura a full time promotion to reporter and a regular beat following the Opelika police department. Her biggest story was following a natural gas explosion at the Kopper Kettle restaurant, which decimated downtown Auburn. Thankfully Laura got to report that no one died. 

In an age where everyone read the newspaper, the community collectively recognized Laura’s writing skills, which helped her land a job as a feature writer for Auburn’s public relations department. Her articles now had an even wider reach, and were picked up by several newspapers around the state and at least one was included in the Auburn football program.  Laura said this was her favorite job ever because she had the freedom to write about anything she wanted. But eventually, that freedom was no longer enough and she looked West for her next adventure. 

Chapter 2: Laura Kelley, master of her own destiny 

With a sense of adventure and without a plan, Laura moved to Breckenridge, Colorado, to work in the ski ticket office; partly because it would afford her the ability to go skiing every day.   Outside of the ski season, Laura worked a series of odd jobs. One year, her roommate got her a job with the city’s water department, where Laura led special projects like painting fire hydrants and color-coding various pipes. Another winter, it didn’t snow until January, and Laura had to take a job at Pizza Hut while she desperately waited for snow so the ski resort could reopen. 

She never gave up on her writing though, and took a freelance job working at the local paper. Her most memorable piece was writing about the resurrection of the Tabor Opera House, a small theater that had hosted famous acts like Buffalo Bill and Harry Houdini during Leadville’s mining boom in the late 1800’s. While not directly a result of Laura’s article, the theater’s ongoing resurrection has been well covered by the national media, including a segment on 60 Minutes. 

While visiting her parents back home in Auburn, her neighbor told her that getting an MBA was “the key to doing whatever you want, ” which sounded pretty enticing. So after exhausting her dream of skiing every day, she mailed off applications to the University of Colorado, William and Mary, and Wake Forest. 

Chapter 3:  Going Corporate 

After being accepted at all three MBA programs she applied to, Laura enrolled at Wake Forest and moved to Winston-Salem. Business school wasn’t what she expected though– Laura was a gifted writer and the school’s “case study” method didn’t jive with her. The program didn’t have lectures or textbooks (her preferred learning method); instead the professors would go around the room with pop-quiz style questions, and then base your grade on your answers. By the one-year mark, several students had flunked out, and Laura was considering quitting too. She called her dad but before she could get a word in, she clearly remembers him telling her “I’ll be proud of you no matter what.” This gave her the courage to push forward and rise to the top of the class. 

Shortly after graduating, Laura accepted her first corporate job as an assistant product manager for Wachovia. It was an important position but stymied by layers and layers of management. One of her big projects was redesigning the customer monthly statement but none of the other departments would agree on which font to use, leaving Laura stuck in the middle. Later on, the arguments centered around whether Y2K was really going to be the end of the world, and if so, how Laura should communicate that to clients. It wasn’t the sort of creative writing she was looking for though, so she looked for a window out as the company was going through a tough merger.  

This led to her next  job as the marketing and public relations director for a small psychiatric hospital system. She got the professional writing experience she had been looking for, however this company ended up having their own corporate problems too. Over a period of just six years, the hospital changed names three times, and Laura had to restart the whole name change PR campaign again. On top of that, the system had just gone through a leveraged buyout, which led to new stresses and pressures that were impeding on her precious family time. 

Chapter 4: Family First

Just after I was born, my mom decided to wholeheartedly focus on her highest calling, being a mother. She (temporarily) left behind her successful career to take Erin and me to Sciworks, Discovery Zone, Shaffner Park, and, if we were good, McDonalds. She never stopped writing, though this time she wrote newsletters and marketing materials for my dad’s construction company, Reliable Builders. 

After I started Kindergarten, Laura had more free time and yearned to rejoin the workforce, but this time something more altruistic than her previous corporate jobs. She was delighted to start working part-time at Senior Services, a non-profit that focused on meeting the needs of lower income senior citizens in the community. Laura was responsible for marketing and building connections  with corporate partners to help pay for other programs like Meals on Wheels. It was the kind of job that left a warm feeling in your heart, and made even better by a great boss.

Family came calling again in 2005, although this time it was my dad. By now, he was running a successful construction business but kept running into the same problem– realtors were eating up a large part of the profit to sell the houses he built. My mom, with her many talents, figured she could sell my dad’s houses just as easily as the next person and got her realtors license. The plan worked perfectly until 2008 when the housing market crashed. Between the cost of the house and all the fees to list and sell the house, my family had too much money tied up in real estate, so my mom went searching for a more steady paycheck. 

Working in the support services department at a law firm wasn’t her dream job, but she figured she could stick with it for a year or so and then move on. Things ended up being better than she thought though. She made a great group of friends and at 5pm she could “punch-out” and still have time for her book club, knitting club, and writing just for fun. 

Chapter 5: Into the Unknown

Laura officially retired on December 22nd but her book isn’t over– In fact, it may just be getting to the good part. With her new free time, she plans to volunteer as a docent at the Reynolda House, help kids with reading at a local school, and even… build out her own blog!! So far, she’s shared recipes, books, and skincare recommendations from her side hustle as an independent consultant for Rodan and Fields. But most of all, she’s looking forward to sleeping in (until 6:30) and spending time with our growing family. 

Retirement feels a little bit like restarting at chapter one, but with Laura writing her own next chapter, I’m sure it’ll be her best yet. 

Want to see more? Check out these pictures from my Mother’s Day post. 

Saying goodbye

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I held onto my grandparents 2002 Toyota Camry a lot longer than most people would have. It wasn’t just a car to me, it was a symbol of coming home and bringing people together. Whether it was seeing my grandparents pull into the driveway, or being 21 and coming home from college to visit my parents, this car has taken me to, and through, a lot of key life moments. Unfortunately, all good things eventually come to an end, and it’s finally time to say goodbye.

My grandparents Clarke and Peggy originally bought this car new from Dyas Toyota in Auburn, Alabama in 2002 for $18,970. The car went on to live many different lives over its 22 years of reliably serving the Holloway/Kelley family. Its first chapter began with shuffling grandkids around, attending Auburn football games, visiting family, and driving between bridge club (Peggy) and the golf course (Clarke). My sister and I would tag along in the back seat and my grandparents always had to put down the armrest in between us as a physical barrier to keep us from fighting. And there was always, always, chewing gum in the center console, which I later learned was because my grandfather had acid reflux, just like me.

When I got to middle school, the Camry stopped going to the driving range as much and spent a lot more time traipsing between doctor appointments. In March 2008, the car took us to my grandfather’s funeral. Not long after, the car moved east as my grandmother moved into the Salemtowne retirement community in Winston-Salem to be closer to us. Her eyes were getting weaker around the same time I got my learner’s permit, so I’d drive the Camry over to visit and some days we’d go out for a drive with no destination in mind. But most times we’d go to Allen’s Dairy Treats since no one could make a hamburger as good as them.

In November 2009, I passed the drivers education test in the front seat of the Camry. Being a high school kid, I didn’t have a lot of money so my dad taught me how to do basic maintenance like changing the oil. However, I used the little money I had to put in a new radio along with a set of subwoofers in the trunk that I bought off Craigslist. That part didn’t last long as I blew the subwoofers by playing it too loud. Around April of 2011, my dad and I spent all day shining up the Camry in the driveway so it looked just like the day it left the showroom (nine years ago at this point) to take me to the high school prom.

I graduated from high school in 2012 and the Camry followed me to Chapel Hill. Around September 2013, I picked up my future wife Brittany in the Camry for our very first date to go to a play at Playmaker’s Theatre on UNC’s campus. Unfortunately by this point my grandmother had passed on too. Both of my grandparents would have really loved Brittany. Especially my grandmother– I’ve never seen anyone read as many books as the two of them. After college, Brittany left town to attend ECU’s Physician Assistant school. The Camry didn’t have auto-pilot but it could just about drive from Durham to Greenville by itself since I made that trip so many times. In December 2022, the Camry drove Brittany and I to our wedding in Greensboro (note we drove home in a badass Cadillac). And around that same time, the Camry pulled into the driveway of our very first home together.

This is a bittersweet goodbye for sure. Don’t get me wrong I’m excited to get new features like a built in GPS, but I’ll miss my grandparents paper maps in the backseat pocket, and always having chewing gum in the center console.

Who’s the better blogger: Ryan or Artificial Intelligence?

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Artificial intelligence could soon put my blog out of business. But before throwing in the towel, who’s posts do you like more? To find out, I took some of my old posts and asked ChatGPT to answer the same topics.

1. What was the coolest cell phone in the early 2000’s?

Ryan:

The Samsung Juke. It doubles as an mp3 player, fits in your pocket, and the clock is reasonably accurate. The only con is that I’m not sure if it can actually make a phone call or not.

ChatGPT:

The Nokia 3310. With its physical buttons that required a Herculean effort to press, texting on the Nokia 3310 was like playing a high-stakes game of finger gymnastics. If you mastered the art of texting on this phone, you were considered a modern-day Shakespeare.

See my full post Cell phones have gotten lamer over time

2. What’s the biggest drawbacks of having a girlfriend?

Ryan:

When your girlfriend says her hands are cold, there’s a 95% chance she’s going to put her cold hands on you to prove how cold they are.

ChatGPT:

Forget about living in a pet-free home. With a girlfriend, you suddenly find yourself in a never-ending battle against her shedding hair. 

See my full post The Drawbacks of Having a Girlfriend

3. What’s the best household appliance?

Ryan:

The George Foreman Grill, as presented by Evan and voted on by the Revolution

ChatGPT:  

The Washing Machine.

It’s a marvel of modern technology, freeing us from the ancient burden of hand-washing clothes. It’s like having a magical vortex that devours your dirty laundry and spits out fresh, clean garments. But beware of the treacherous sock-eating monster that lurks within.

See my full post What’s the best household appliance? A Spirited Quarantine Debate

4. Which is the WORST apple-based recipe?

Ryan:

Colin’s Apple Cider, from my sister’s 1st grade class cookbook. Note this recipe has more sugar than water, and one of the ingredients is “one bowl.” Some of the other recipes in the cookbook included bizarre ingredients like 20 bumble bees??, raw eggs and flour (yuck!), and then nonsensical instructions like “cook at 12 for 11.”

ChatGPT:

Apple Explosion Delight:

  1. Take peeled apples and give them a nice roll in glitter. Make sure they sparkle like magical disco balls. It’s all about that glitz and glamour in our recipe.
  2. In a large bowl, combine the toothpaste and ketchup. Stir it up until it becomes a sticky, colorful mess. This is our top-secret sauce that will bring all the flavors together. Or maybe not.

See my full post The WORST Recipes From My Sister’s First Grade Class

5. Name something useful you learned from your dad

Ryan:

With boats, don’t ask how much it’s going to cost. You don’t want to know. Just do it.

ChatGPT:

Having a secret stash of snacks strategically hidden throughout the house ensures a constant supply of deliciousness. Whether it’s a bag of chips behind the sofa or cookies in the bathroom cabinet, be prepared for any snacking emergency.

See my full post Things I Learned from My Dad

6. Can you turn your craziest dream into a movie idea?

Ryan:

Movie Title: The Pirate from the Shadows

Plot: My sister Erin and I find out we have an evil step-brother. Because of a traumatic incident as a child at Disney World, he thinks he’s a pirate, and has been locked away for years in a mental hospital. He escapes and comes after our family for revenge, armed with a pirate ship and crew.

ChatGPT:

Movie Title: Chronicles of the Quantum Dreamers

Plot: In a world where dreams come alive and reality bends to the whims of the subconscious, a quirky group of individuals discover they possess the ability to control their dreams and enter a shared dream realm called the “Quantum Dream.”

Our protagonist, Max, a socially awkward math genius, finds himself trapped in a perpetual dream loop where he’s chased by a horde of rubber duckies armed with laser guns. Desperate to escape this nightmarish cycle, he stumbles upon an underground society of Dreamers, led by the enigmatic Dr. Lucidia.

Dr. Lucidia reveals that the Quantum Dream is under threat from an evil dream villain known as the Nightmare King, whose malevolent presence is infecting dreams with fear and chaos. Max, along with a colorful crew of fellow Dreamers, including a retired circus performer who controls dreams through juggling and a talking cat with a knack for riddles, embarks on a mind-bending quest to stop the Nightmare King and restore balance to the dream realm.

See my full post Ryan’s Crazy Dreams Turned into Movie Ideas

7. How badly can you roast my friend Carter?

Ryan:

The only thing more broken than Carter’s love life is his wallet. As a broke high school student in 2012, he ordered the market price steak and lobster, and just about cried when the $80 check came. Moral of the story, Carter, if you have to ask… you still can’t afford it!

ChatGPT:

Carter, you’re like our very own Fez from That ’70s Show. I mean, with that wild hair and those big, innocent eyes, it’s like you were plucked straight out of the Jungle Book. And let’s be real here, we’re not entirely convinced you know how to read. Remember that time in Spanish class when the teacher asked about your weekend plans, and all you could muster up was “uhhhhh poptarts?” Yeah, Carter, we’ve got our doubts.

See my full post The Roast of Carter Fields: A Tribute to 16 Years of Friendship

8. How much does it cost to have a girlfriend per month?

Ryan:

Grand Total: $70.50

May 1: Britt bought ice cream for both of us. Running total: -$3.50.
May 4: Britt bought me a cocktail at Calavera. Running total: -$13.50.
May 8: I bought ice cream. Running total: -$10.
May $19: I bought a round of drinks at Top O. Running total: -$4.
May 20: Erin (my sister) gave me tickets to a Brad Paisely concert. Cost: free! We went to dinner beforehand at the Loop. Running total: $5.50.
May 23: Dinner at Imbibe, I had a gift card so it was basically free. Don’t go here for food though… 1 star.
May 31: So this one’s on me. I really wanted to go to a Green Day concert and I think the only way I could convince anyone to go with me was if I buy a ticket for Britt. Running total: $70.50.

ChatGPT:

Grad Total: $220

  1. Gift expenses: $50 – Because nothing says “I love you” like a bouquet of half-price gas station flowers and a last-minute, on-sale box of chocolates. Romance on a budget, folks!
  2. Date nights: $100 – We’re talking about those fancy candlelit dinners at the finest fast-food establishments, complete with the extra-value meal and a shared soda. Classy, yet cost-effective.
  3. Movie outings: $40 – Catching the latest blockbuster movies on discount Tuesdays, armed with a smuggled-in bag of stale popcorn and a pocketful of expired coupons.
  4. Miscellaneous surprises: $30 – This includes those spontaneous moments of chivalry, like buying her a dollar store trinket or surprise serenading her with a kazoo rendition of her favorite song.
  5. Emotional support: Priceless – Because being there for each other during good times, bad times, and the “I can’t decide what to wear” times is invaluable. Cue the sentimental music.

See my full post How Much Does it Really Cost to Have a Girlfriend: A One-month Study

9. Make up a recipe that uses less four ingredients and takes less than 20 minutes start to finish

Ryan:

Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue Chicken Pizza

 Step 1: Start with pita bread— I’m really not seeing the difference between pita bread and pizza crust so let’s just stick with pita bread.

Step 2: Add pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, and chicken

Step 3: Throw it in the oven for 15 minutes at 350 degrees

photo 1

ChatGPT:

Cheesy Pesto Chicken Skillet

  1. Preheat your skillet over medium-high heat.
  2. Season the chicken breasts with salt and pepper on both sides.
  3. Place the chicken breasts in the skillet and cook for about 5-6 minutes per side, or until they are cooked through and no longer pink in the center.
  4. Spread 2 tablespoons of pesto sauce on top of each chicken breast.
  5. Sprinkle the shredded mozzarella cheese evenly over the chicken breasts.
  6. Add the cherry tomato halves to the skillet, spreading them around the chicken.
  7. Cover the skillet with a lid and let it cook for an additional 3-4 minutes, or until the cheese has melted and the tomatoes are slightly softened.
  8. Remove the skillet from heat and let it cool for a minute or two.
  9. Serve the cheesy pesto chicken hot, and optionally garnish with fresh basil leaves for extra flavor.

See my full post How to Food: The One Where Ryan Learns How to Cook and Can Teach You Too

10. Create a Bingo board using action movie cliches

Ryan:

ChatGPT:

See my full post Bad Guy Bingo: A Summary of Every Action Movie Ever

Still not convinced? Check out these 10 reasons why you should follow my blog

Laura Kelley Isn’t a Regular Mom… She’s a Cool Mom.

/ rkelleyc / 4 Comments

A few highlights about Laura:

  • Voted “most ambitious” in her high school class.
  • Had an epic three-year adventure in Colorado after college.
  • Holds an MBA from Wake Forest.
  • Has two awesome kids.

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But really the coolest thing about my mom is her unique ability to connect with people. She knows how to have a full conversation with a toddler, what to write in a birthday card, and how to treat all people with respect. And she NEVER lets any of my blog posts go without a comment.  Happy Mother’s Day.