Funny

10 Things Google Knows About Me That My Own Mother Doesn’t Know

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I finally upgraded from my old, beaten-down Iphone 4s to the new Nexus 5x made by Google. And it’s insane how much this phone has learned about me. Some of it is very useful but some of the data is just creepy…

  1. Where I live: Okay so my mom knows where I live, but I never told Google where I live…. It just kind of figured it out.
  2. Where I parked my car: So anytime I get out of my car, the phone makes a memory of where I left it. I get that it’s a little silly for everyday use, but it might be very useful at a ball game or big concert.
  3. A timeline of everywhere I’ve been: The GPS is always on so it knows how far I’ve walked, where I’ve driven, where I took which photo… everything. It even includes stats like my average walking pace and what stops I made along the way.
  4. Every Restaurant ever: Anytime I walk into a restaurant, Google automatically pops up with a link to the menu and reviews. Kind of late to help decide on which restaurant, but I get it.
  5. Traffic: I can’t believe I was the last idiot still using Apple Maps until just a month ago. Just last week I was driving from Winston to Chapel Hill with my navigation off and phone in my pocket. Even so, Google was still tracking me and gave me a notification warning of traffic ahead and suggested another route. (It knew I was on the way home, see #1).
  6. Auto Photo Albums: This was one of the most surprising things. On Spring Break I went to Gulf Shores, Alabama, and took a few photos along the way. When I got back to Chapel Hill, Google had already organized the pics into an interactive slideshow.
  7. Who my friends are: So again I never told Google who my best friends are, it just figured it out and added them to my favorites shortcuts. (And yes, my mom knows who my friends are).
  8. Everything about Road Trips: It’s always ready to let me know when the next gas station is or what food options are coming up.
  9. Everything I’ve ever Googled: Google doesn’t forget. It uses my search history to come up news stories I might be interested in. For example, it will give my updates on UNC Basketball, election results, local news, etc.
  10. Everything I’ve ever said?: Only slightly concerning here… there’s a mode where you can turn on the phone’s microphone at all times so it can respond to your commands… but that also means it hears everything you say…

So this may not be the perfect phone for cheaters, terrorists or drugs dealers, but it’s been pretty good to me so far. Actually, I’m starting to get a little concerned now that I have all of this in front of me…

Sporcle Quizzes That Are Worth Your Time

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What is Sporcle? One might ask… It’s kind of like “Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader” meets a 12 hour TV marathon of Jeopardy. But there’s thousands of games on this website and you’re a busy person, so here’s the best of the best (of the best).

Can you name the movies from this portion of their posters?

This one is my personal favorite. The quiz will show part of a movie poster (like Ghostbusters or The Incredibles) and you have to remember what movie it came from.

Can you name the missing words from these 2000s hit song lyrics?

I bet you can’t remember all the lyrics to Hey Ya! and Ignition Remix.

Can you name the 4-letter words that will complete each of the clichés in this word ladder?

Word ladders are really cool. It’s a series of trivia questions and each answer shares 3 of the 4 letters with the answer above and below it. Is that too confusing? Here’s an easy one to get you started.

Can you name the corporate logos?

This quiz shows a bunch of corporate logos and you have to answer with who’s logo it is. See how much of a sell-out you are…

Can you name the 7 Sins, Dwarfs, and Spice Girls?

This is a matching quiz so maybe a little bit easier. I almost had it until I forgot all the Spice Girls.

Family Feud

Okay, so this one isn’t technically on Sporcle, but it still deserves an hour of your attention. It’s exactly what you think it is… Family Feud on your computer.

If you want to keep playing, there’s usually a button in the bottom left-hand corner for “Next Quiz,” or if you’re feeling lucky hit “Random Quiz” in the top right. Meanwhile, I’ve been back on Stumble Upon, so be on the lookout for “The Best of StumbleUpon: Part 2.” Here’s a recap in case you missed Part 1.

 

 

Choose Your Own Mystery Blog

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One of my blog’s Board of Directors (aka my mom) has been asking when she should be expecting my next post. I’ve been running with a couple different topics, so I figured I’d let you decide what you’d like to see next. Kind of like a choose-your-own-mystery kinda thing.

So here’s the working titles of several posts, vote for as many as you would read, and write in your own response!

 

I really don’t have a lot going on right now, so even if you write something really, really dumb, I’ll give it a shot.

 

The Best of StumbleUpon in One Page

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Or how I reached Level 24 of the Internet. I never meant to reach 24,000 page views on Stumble Upon, but here we are. Here’s the best of the best of the best.

This post is going down in three parts: Part 1: “Stumble Upon”, A photo Essay by Ryan Kelley. Part 2: Links that you better click on or I’ll be mad at you. And Part 3: Funny Youtube Videos that I promise you haven’t seen before.

If you only click on one thing from this post, make it SeeHearParty.com. Where else can you find a video of George W Bush breakdancing to techno music with puppies in the background? And it’s customizable! (Note: You must be on a computer and Google Chrome Browser for this to work).

Find out why Craigslist is really dangerous in E-mails from an Asshole. This guy Mike goes on Craigslist and haunts people with hilarious insults, overkills, and misreads.

Have you ever had the feeling that all a professional DJ does is press play and then dance around a bit? Well now you can too! iWebDJ.com allows you to mix two songs together and play around with loops, sound effects, and filters until you believe you can too.

Brittany swears some of these videos aren’t real, but I promise they are. Check out,  Anything is Possible, highlights include BMX backflips on a tricycle, throwing a girl through a basketball net, and (my favorite) jumping hands free into a car window.

The 21st Century is a great time to be alive.

See why Remi Gaillard probably got arrested for doing sports wrong.

The answer to the age old question…. “is mayonnaise an instrument?”

Find out how one black man defeated the entire KKK and left them looking foolish.

COMING SOON: “Stumble Upon Part II,” A guest column by Becca Martin

Wise Words of Wisdom from my dad

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My dad’s a pretty cool guy. So cool that I’ve never seen him wear a t-shirt. When it’s cold outside, he even doubles up and wears two collared shirts. Here are just a few of the funny things he says.

“Yeah I had the chance to study abroad too. It was called the army.”

“My name is Mr. Kelley but you can call me by my first name…… Sir.”

Steve on Jos A Banks: “Buy one get four free? I’m not going till its buy one get five free!”

Mom: “Aw Steve, what a nice card”  Dad: “Yeah I told Hallmark what to write.”

Me: “It’s like 50 degrees in here, can you turn the heat on?” Dad: “What do you want, a jacket for Christmas?”

Client: “Who should I make this check out to?” Dad: “Just make it out to Obama, he’s getting all of it anyway.”

Dad: “Oh wow, Laura, you got your hair done! It looks great!” Mom: “No, that’s tomorrow.” Dad: “Oh.”

How to get free movie rentals: A short guide by Steve Kelley

Three free Redbox Movies (No purchase necessary). One time my dad rented a movie at Redbox, but the disc was scratched and wouldn’t play… So he did what any other Baby Boomer what do. He wrote a note explaining the problem and requesting a refund, taped it to the DVD, and put it back in the machine. About a month later, he received an apology from Redbox in the mail along with a refund AND three free movies.

Two for the Price of One (Good at any movie store). Another time my dad was really excited to watch a Blu-Ray movie he just rented. However, at the time, we still had an old-school tube TV, so it obviously wouldn’t play. He took the movie back to Family Video, where they patiently explained the difference between Blu-Ray and DVD, and threw in two free movie rentals.